Friday 27 February 2009

Tears for "souvenirs"

I didn't post yesterday as it was fairly innocuous except I ended up at an Orthopaedic Consultants with what turns out to be (according to the xray) severe arthritis in my shoulder, since everywhere else is riddled with it why worry? The pain-killers have numbed it anyway. Today though was my last day with the students, as there is to be a wholesale strategic rethink on how their programme is to be structured and there is nothing we can do to stop the march of progress (?).

Nonetheless we had a full turn out and a productive afternoon, punctuated with a farewell gift from the programme manager, group photos and hugs all round at the end of the afternoon. I cannot tell a lie there was genuine sadness on my part to parting with a group, that in a short time I've come to regard as friends. It did bring a welling up in my eye and voice as I bid them farewell. Laiah was there too since with my arm in a sling I couldn't write on the board.

Next week I'm going to work at "Mother Teresa's" for a month and in some respects this will be more of what I'd anticipated from voluntary work in Delhi. I'll be working with the men in the home for the destitute and dying, so I anticipate some emotional straining of the sinews.

Tomorrow Laiah, Shanta and I are going to Amritsar for the weekend, most of which will be on trains (packed to capacity I imagine), but the chance to see the famed temple is too much to miss out on.

Namaste.

Wednesday 25 February 2009

The wind's getting up

Alas dear friends, it isn't a change in barometric pressure which causing this phenomona, rather it is the preponderance of pulses in my all too familiar diet of veggie food. To be eating Indian food 3 times a day is on one level a joy, on another it is a trial for an inveterate carnivore such as yours truly. In the spirit of honesty I can divulge that I'm enjoying the Indian version of "veggie food" better than any effort I've seen passed off in the UK. The downside is the effect all these vegetables are having on my digestive system.

There are fewer more embarrassing things than having to stifle the side effects of such a high dose of plant life, especially whilst in the company of sari clad, graceful women. I assume they have a similar problem since meat is non-existant in the Hindu diet, yet they manage to pass muster rather than wind. Anyway enough of the toilet humour!

Today was fairly innocuous especially after the bottom squeaking events of yesterdays drive to work! Laiah has a day off since her pupils are sitting Hindi exams so she gets to sample the delights of my work-place. My cover is well and truly blown now, since everyone else here works in appalling circumstances and mine is palatial! That said, the fact that she came to the class with me meant that the young men were suitably quiet, with only questions about how old was she and did she have a boy-friend? This prompted me to say that he was 6ft 5ins tall and weighed 14 stones, this figment of my imagination was enough to quell their post-pubescent queries.

The day went well and I did make them work for their corn so to speak. Embarrassingly my mobile phone went off in class (it was Alison). The upshot was that I had to stump up my fine, which I'd threatened to impose if anyone had a mobile phone switched on during lesson time. They were magnanimous in telling me not to, but the rule is the same for me as it is for them (except my fine is larger), and the deed was done! I may regret the vast sum of 19 rupees (nearly 25p), but the fine will bring us in some "Khana" tomorrow for our "Tiffin/Tea" break.

A wee observation; as I was coming through the alley to the office, I had to step round a tiny old woman (She must have been in her 80's), sitting cross legged on the concrete path and having a 40 wink break from watching her Grandkids. Her husband does a variety of wee jobs round about and he too must be nearer 90 than 70! My heart tells me to empty my wallet and let her get a break from her toils, but perhaps nearer the time when I'm coming home. Life can be hard sometimes, but the wee soul just made me think how lucky we are in Scotland to have a safety net which is conspicuous by it's absence here in "Mother India".

Namaste before I get too maudling!!

Tuesday 24 February 2009

Where's my rosary beads when I need them!

Dear readers,
Verily my bottom was squeaking so tightly at lunchtime today, I swear that even WD40 wouldn't have helped! I was being driven to work in abnormally heavy traffic on the main road when we came to an almighty traffic jam, the like of which I'd not encountered even in Delhi! No big deal I hear you say; and normally you'd be right and I'd agree (having become yoga like in my approach to the vagaries of Delhi traffic).

The point of this was, that we were stuck in this jam next to a car that burst into flames. the initial flames were slightly alarming and our mini extinguisher wouldn't have dented the flames so to speak. These flames became an inferno in a matter of seconds (the car's occupants had done a runner by this time), and the first thing that crossed both Kewal and my minds simoultaneously but in different languages was "Shit what if the tank blows" as it had every potential for so doing. If it was a CNG car then it is just as bad, in either event I am beginning to feel very, very afraid with a vision of a loud bang and then infinity with my body parts and those of several hundred round about us being scattered over the flyover and underpass some 100 yards away.

The "frigging" traffic lights are at red still and the jam is not moving an inch! Despite everyone blasting their horns at the people in front, the punters who're crossing the road show no sign of letting us or anyone else through and now my rear end is the same temperature as the flaming car not 10 feet from my window. By now people are beginning to make a dart for it on foot or driving their cars up onto the pavement and barging all and sundry out of the road to get as far away as possible from the potential explosion, yet Kewal and I are stuck like a couple of turkeys with no exit and too close in anyones language.

As if by a message from some ancient Hindu god, whether Ganesh, Shiva or anyone else in the pantheon of Hindu gods, the lights change to green and we set off (everyone that is) like the start of the Le Mans 24 hour race to get as much distance between us and the raging inferno/potential bomb as quickly as humanly possible.

I'd calmed down to a frenzy by the time we got to the school, but in total frankness I'd had a scare which I could have done without and hope never to repeat. I didn't hear any explosion, so assume that either the fire brigade had got there (I doubt that with the volume of traffic) or that the tank was empty and the whole thing just burnt out. I'll know better tomorrow when I pass by again. The rest of the day was insignificant by comparison, so I'll brush over that.
Namaste from a very relieved part time teacher in Delhi.

Monday 23 February 2009

Teacher's back on his own!

I have a late start from now on and that means a long lie in if I want! The reality is I still get up at the same time, and in any event the ladies are all doing Yoga in our living room at 6.30 a.m. I would have joined the class but hey hoh an old war wound (2 artificial knees) prevent my joining in. The women tell me they enjoy it and that it is doing them good. I'll take their word for it as the prospect of the "Lotus Position" on a marble floor has all the desirability of a Cactus enema.

I went to the centre this afternoon not knowing if I'd have any students since the time had been changed, but to my delight the first one in was the class stud Deepak, he's a really good looking young man who has the girls eating out of his hand, but every now and then you'll find him trying a flanker! Despite this I can't help but like him. He'd come in because he thought I'd be lonely if no-one came because of the time change (a possibility). Shortly thereafter, 3 of the girls also came in, one of whom is on a fast, as today is a special feast day for Shiva. Next thing another of the guys turned up. I'm really touched by this as it took effort on their part to do it! Such kindness is the norm in India and it is touching as I don't think it would happen in some of our schools.

I've decided to dive further into the Ganges and get myself a working Indian outfit with the long shirt, white cotton trousers and a waistcoat! If the suit is anything to go by then this will be pretty cheap, mind you where am I going to wear it in Stonehaven? Maybe when I go to the carry-out for a "Ruby Murray".

Going to breakfast this morning at the office, I was watched intently by a monkey which meandered out from one of the gardens, he was quite large and it leaves me thinking where does he doss down at night as we're in the city centre?

I forgot to mention that when I was at Gandhi's burial plot on Saturday as I stepped out of the rickshaw I almost stood in the basket in which a snake charmer had his cobra ready to perform for any unsuspecting balloon like me. The thought of destroying his source of income was bad enough, the thought that the cobra might have been slightly pee'd off with me standing on him is another matter altogether, anyway I moved to the left somewhat sharpish so as not to offend either party.

As a footnote for Ann-marie the blue nose with the right name but wrong team, the long shirt will be as near Emerald Green as I can get!!

Namaste Doste

Sunday 22 February 2009

Sunday is a good day for commercial deals!

Sunday morning and it is a lazy start again, I could get used to this way of life but I suspect someone very close to me might have something to say about it!

Erin and I spent the early part of the afternoon going to the Rashtrapati Bhavan, I'd been there last weekend but she has had so much college work to do she hasn't had much free time so it was fortuitous that I'd done it before as we got the main parts of the government part of the city done in a quick trip. We'd missed lunch so we pigged out on pepperoni pizza and coke when we got back.

Shanta took me to the guy in the market for a sim card with airtel telephone number and I also bought some airtime. This means I can call the UK for as little as 8 rupees a minute (infinitely less than BT), there was a certain amount of paperwork involved but that is to be expected in a country that was ruled by Britain as a colony for 200 years and who've grasped the civil service mentality whilst taking it to a whole new level! This good deal was compounded by my cut-throat shave and a shoe shine (which any sergeant major would have been pleased with!), the grand total of which is still the equivalent of $2. So even this far removed from contracts, I can't resist a good deal and today has been a commercial success.

The tented/tarpaulin village which had set up across the road from my barber has been moved on, I can't help but feel some sadness as where will they have landed up? The young kids who lived there may not know anything different from what they had, but they are humans not animals after all!

Namaste

Saturday 21 February 2009

Paying respects to Mahatma and being stroked on the chin by a "Trannie"

Saturday morning and the living is easy! A lie in with a leisurely read at the papers and omelette and toast with "Chai" to wash it down is the order of the day! It's going to be another scorcher (well for me at any rate!)

Fully fuelled for whatever I choose to do, my conscience gives me a dunt and reminds me that there is still so much else to see in Delhi and behaving like a sloth who's constipated is not the answer, so I jump in a rickshaw and head to Gandhi's burial spot. Not realising that the journey is likely to be anything like it turned out was a error of judgement on my part! It took all my patience (I know I don't have much but what I have got) not to get out the rickshaw and clock the policeman who held us up at a junction for 20 mins while he let all the rest of the main and side roads through. Still Mother India and all that! The ride was almost 2 hours and a chiropractor woud go down well now after the journey!

The plot itself is in a sunken garden with an eternal flame burning and the devotees passing by the tomb are dignified as you'd expect for someone for whom over a billion and a quarter people still regard as almost God like. No chance of any British politician being buried in such a fashion.

Next up I went to the Lodhi Gardens, described as the lungs of Delh and with the vehicles on the road no wonder they need so many parks. This one is about the size of all the parks in Aberdeen combined, still it was shady in parts and I'd now become the owner of a cricket hat to keep the sun at bay.

This is another wee step into some metamorphis on my part, eating veggie stuff, liking cricket and drinking chai. Disconcerting or what? Maybe I'm becoming the archetypal "Brown Englishman" the colonials were trying to make the Indians.

I've broken the journey home up by stopping off in Connaught Place for some Chinese food and a Kingfisher beer since I've missed lunch at the base. I think the real reason I needed the beer was that on the way to Connaught Place a "Trannie" leant into the rickshaw and stroked my chin departing back along the line before he could interpret the words "Feck Off" and get a shave! The driver was bemused by this and to a certain extent I was too since, in all my 62 years I've never been approached by anyone gay, much less a man in a sari.
p.s. that is not a plea for any gay attention in case there is any doubt.

This kaleidescope of senses in Delhi continues to fascinate me, despite the obvious signs of poverty and begging which I have to force myself to turn a "Nelson's eye" to.

Namaste from Delhi

Friday 20 February 2009

Bubbling as Barbs bows out

There were some wet eyes this morning in the class as Barbara bowed out of her assignment. The kids had got her a cake with a candle on it, and some pepsi and lemonade with crisps etc; and we cut the lesson short so that we could all gather in the classroom and they could say farewell. They'd also bought her some presents and it was a wee bit emotional. The assistant Director also went out and bought her a gift which was really nice as they haven't really seen eye to eye! Photographs with mobile phones were the order of the day and two with a proper camera for posterity.

There is a mini-crisis for my ongoing placement at the Habitat Learning Centre, in that they want me to change my times of work there to the afternoon. For me this is no big deal but it does mean that the kids I've had each day, may not get there in the afternoon and that is a pity! It does mean that I may get a whole new or part new bunch and have to start from scratch. That is a bit frustrating but I'm only the unpaid hired help, and the progress Barbs and I have made with our group may well stagnate. I hope not for their sakes, as they'd warm your heart with their attitude and happy faces (even a cynical old prat like me!).

As she flies out tonight at midnight for a 20 hour flight back to Detroit with a 6 hour stopover in New York it is going to be a long day/night for her!

So farewell to her and I hope she enjoys her new life in Orlando where she's going to work for the Disney corporation! She's worked with a clown for a fortnight so Mickey Mouse should be a doddle!

For me it is a relatively quiet weekend in Delhi again, and the girls are organised for the movies etc. Next weekend will be enough as we have a train journey of 8 hours to do, and I'll have a better description of the train and it's facilities (?) after it, certainly if the buses are anything to go by, it will be an eye opener.

I've had to get my daughters Fe & Pe to send a stroppy message to BT (how unlike me to pen something sarcastic and stroppy to a contractor?) as the plonkers have disconnected my mobile phone, as the usage seems high to them! Why did I bother telling them I was coming out here, if they're not going to pay any attention to it and cut me off? It's left me a bit isolated pro tempore but if it isn't back on in 24 hours then they'll have broken their side of the contract and I've no compunction in getting someone else, and indeed it appears I can get a fairly cheap mobile here after all and pay up front for air-time with inbound calls free with Air Tel of India.

Namaste

Thursday 19 February 2009

Scotrail eat your heart out

Today is Barbara's 2nd last day as she goes back to Detroit tomorrow night. She's been a big help and in some respects I'll miss her help and advice. In the afternoon she and I went to a golf driving range and knocked a couple of buckets of balls and with the hire of a driver it came to almost 2$, such extravagence!
As an aside when we were being driven back from the Habitat learning centre we had to overtake two camels and two elephants at lunchtime, in fact they were making better progress than the cars.

Last night the girls and I were organising a couple of trips! One to Goa in March (towards the end of month) and to Amritsar to the Golden Temple in a weeks time. The girls (having the technical ability, booked and paid for the flights online). The train was another matter, and the trains this weekend are sold out with a waiting list of too many to contemplate. The only answer is for me to go down to the station myself and see what can be done about the following weekend. Being me I decide to avoid the "tourist" booth in the main station and go with the Sikh driver to the Indian ticket office, it was a hoot! The place was heaving to the gills with Indian guys and a single solitary pale face (but he did have a sense of humour and a tattoo with Mother India in Sanskrit on his upper arm), this latter aspect was enough to get by and eventually I got 3 returns (not in the class I'd have liked for me and the girls Laiah and Shanta), and the train we are booked on takes and hour more than the express we'd wanted for the outbound journey, on the plus side we are booked on the express on the return journey. I bet Scotrail would sell their souls for the queues and waiting lists for every seat on their trains!

Shanta has booked us a hotel room at 450 rupees each a night (9$) and it has a rooftop restaurant with cushions outside on the roof and a view of the Golden Temple! The older women would have a heart attack if they thought they had to pay less than 120$. As an aside the "Trout with the Pout" is leaving and has given bad feedback which the rest of us are quite taken aback, since we are all really entering into the way of life of Delhi.

Namaste from 30 deg C and wall to wall sunshine.

Wednesday 18 February 2009

A Dandy steps out

Yesterday was pretty mundane, some of us went to the museum in the company of the former head of the Indian Museum, and he was really interesting, as was the exhibits I saw! I didn't see too many as I took a bit of a cold sweat which was slightly disconcerting and had to leave to get some heat into me. When we got back to base I couldn't eat anything and went straight to bed which ended up with 12 hours sleep. It must have done the trick as I was up in time and ready to go this morning with no after-effects.

Class this morning got a wee bit (?) chatty especially when one of them was trying to read from and write on the board. I did an impression of someone who was really angry with this show of disrespect for their class-mate and it seemed to have the desired effect, resulting in a hush which was defeaning in it's silence. That may have been a watershed since I hope not to have to do it too often as I can't do anger at kids too well.

I went back to the tailor's to pick up my new hand made suit and even if I do say so myself (and I do!), I look like the Dog's "*&^4@*&"s it is hard to comprehend that this suit costs the equivalent of two quality shirts in Aberdeen, but that is the cost of things here apparently! Except for mobile phones it would appear. I'd toyed with the idea of buying one of the newer versions and just using my sim card, thinking that since everything else was relatively inexpensive they'd be too! Wrong, it appears that to get a reasonably expensive model you take out a bank loan here, it is the calls which are cheap. Fiendishly clever these phone manufacturers, the calls are cheap but the phone costs you an arm and a leg.

Namaste

Monday 16 February 2009

I'm not old enough to have hairs in my ears

Back at work as it is Monday, Cindy has come back from Rishikesh in the mountains but obviously ate something on the train which makes me think about eating the food which comes with the ticket, as she's got the dreaded "Delhi Belly".

A bit short on students today as there's only 6 of them when there's normally 11, however the 6 who are here are pretty godd in any event and we've set them some harder work.

I noticed a guy on his motorcycle this morning cleaning his toes while doing about 50mph, never mind the safety wear, the idea of cleaning between your toes is gross anyway and to do it while driving a motorbike is madness. But hey hoh this is Delhi and HSE matters don't seem to matter a jot.

We had to do our tasks in front of the rest of the volunteers today, but Laiah and I seemed to be the only ones doing any ad-libbing, the rest reading off of their paper print outs from the web. I couldn't get too excited about the whole thing as it was designed to see if we were taking in the culture, and not an entry thesis for Oxford or Cambridge.

I went to my roadside barber under the tree in the street again, despite some of the staff being concerned about an infection if he cut me inadvertently! He's good at it and although I think they're probably right I decide he's good enough for the Indians so he's good enough for me! He doesn't speak any English at all and my Hindi is limited but we manage to get by in any event. It transpires that some tosser from the Middle East has given him Omani notes which is a bit of a liberty as he won't even have a bank account much less the wherewithal to change them. I offered to buy them from him for 100 rupees inclusive of the shave, but the lack of ability in language put the mockers on that !!

He's giving me better service every time as I'm paying him 30 rupees instead of the 20 he'd normally get, and this prompts him to trim my ears as well as my hooter! I'd no idea that I had any hair in either orifice, but hell he must have seen some. His eyesight is obviously far superior to mine.

A wander round the market is always a hoot and I take a wee dander to see if there are any good offers on sandals, passing the tailors who're making my Nehru suit! Thank god I picked them as I noticed another firm of tailors called, wait for it! "Gaylook" Thanks be to God I didn't stumble in there by mistake! I may be in touch with my feminine side but that is a bridge too far!
Namaste

Sunday 15 February 2009

A "Singing Sikh" and "3 Transvestites"

Last night the girls and I had a superb Chinese meal in Connaught Place at a restaurant called Zen. The food was super and my street credibility was on an upward trajectory so far as the Indian guys were concerned as I was in the company of 4 beautiful young girls. The fact that I'm almost old enough to be their Grandad didn't seem to catch on with the guys. I'll let their minds keep that thought though!

Sunday morning and after a lazy coffee and a swatch at the Sunday papers plus the usual quota of nicotine I decide to get cleaned up and head out to the city centre again and see some more of the sights!

I hail a rickshaw for another spine shattering, but ultimately practical ride into "Old Delhi" having picked the Red Fort to start with. Old Delhi is if anything, even more densely habitated than New Delhi, and I have to admit the overwhelming odour of sewage and other waste allied to being jammed tightly between other vehicles all trying to the general area of "Kashmiri Gate", is affecting the Long Island Ice Teas I had last night in Zen. But enough of my digestive tracts, between the driver and I we decide that enough is enough and we about face and head back to the Red Fort.

The Red Fort is an impressive edifice, but nowhere close to the one in Agra! I suspect due to the number of people who visit it en masse at the weekends. Whole families are using the gardens (?) as picnic areas and as a result the Fort has seen better days. Still though it is worth a visit, but wouldn't be top of my must see places in Mother India.

The fact that it is very large in area means I'm hungry (no breakfast per se), by the time I get round, so in typical "Walker fashion" I go in with the locals to their cafe area and although somewhat pale by comparison, I'm fully accepted by them and not stared at by the locals. The other big plus is the fact that the locals have cheaper rates for everything, so my token lunch (it's that time already) is less than $2.

My tattoo and the limited Hindi I now have is enough to ensure I'm not as bothered as some of the other nationals who're thronging the site! On that basis I decided to walk a bit before getting another rickshaw to Connaught Place, as I know I'll be able to use a loo there and I'm not going so native as to pee in the street(a fairly common sight).

Whilst we're struggling through the traffic we come to a grinding halt in a jam, only to be assailed (as others were too!) by a group of transvestites demanding money for them not to curse you. I've seen this on Paul Mertons visit to India so the 6ft 2in sari wearing man with a couple of days stubble can take a hike, as can his mates who're equally ugly, even for men. Her (?) curse aside I should have offered him/her a loan of my electric razor as he/she is in dire need of it. I'll need to watch that none of my appendages drop off as a result of the curse.

Connaught Place is where we were last night at the restaurant so I'm totally familiar with it and as such can wander at leisure, stopping for a cheese sandwich in something like Harrods or should it be Horrids from "Still Game". The process for buying something as cheap (?) as cheese sandwich is convoluted to say the least involving 3 separate paper transactions, (no wonder the Amazonian rainforest is in danger). I'm tackled by a shoeshine man offering to make my shoes shine like leather, that would be fine if I wasn't wearing suede shoes!

From yesterday I'm stopped by the same guy asking if I want my ears unwaxed, I reminded him we'd met yesterday and he's asked me then. The intervening 24 hours had not seen an undue build up of wax in my "wing nuts" so his kind offer of a very cheap job was rejected.

To cap off my day I'm taken back in quick order to Hauz Khas by a singing Sikh rickshaw driver, in the absence of anything other than noise polution and honking horns it makes a nice change, so he got a tip for his efforts and he had me back at the apartments in enough time to avoid the inevitable accident I'd have had if we'd been caught in traffic!

It's old firm day today so "C'mon the Hoops" and namaste from Delhi.

Saturday 14 February 2009

Sean, What odds on this happening?

My sight-seeing tour of Delhi starts with the rickshaw ride to the India Gate a 1st World War memorial for less than a dollar. The journey takes about an half hour and although comfortable isn't a word I'd use to describe the ride in a rickshaw, it does the job since it can weave in and out of the traffic like someone (other than John Sargeant) on "Celebrity Come Dancing"!

Next I head to Houmayun's Tomb where out of a Delhi population of almost 14 million, my name is called out as I go through the turnstyle (having paid full whack despite saying in Hindi that I'm Indian), the locals get in for 4% of the cost of foreigners. It's Barbara from Detroit, and she too is doing her own thing this weekend. However, she's staying in hotels and getting pampered too. The odds of meeting someone you know with that size of population must be pretty high.

Next stop on this mini weekend break since Amritsar was cancelled, is the Rhashtrapati Bhavan or parliament buildings and the President's official residence! All of which are down the road from where I'd started (India Gate), but the road is about a couple of Kms long and my knees feel as though they're due to sieze! With a combination of my knees and my stomach thinking my throat has been cut, I decide to call it a day with a portion of meat to be washed down with a large coke (such simple pleasures are all I need just now!)

Another rickshaw back to the area we live in and the driver is trying his hardest to get me into an emporium on the way back. Thanks but no thanks I tell him as I'm totally dog tired and just need to get back to base! He's a nice guy so I give him the 20 rupee tip as opposed his lost commission!

Namaste

Friday 13 February 2009

The Vodka's not for my consumption you prat!!

Just a fairly routine day on Thursday, the teaching went reasonably well and the girls and I had an invite for drinks and snacks at the house next door to their apartment While down at the market in the afternoon, I was tempted by an offer on shirts;

Buy one get two free and a free gift.

As you all know I have an inexplicable penchant for shirts so found resistance futile, the free gift turned out to be a leather belt. I couldn't have bought the belt in Markies for the price of the whole deal, so you've guessed it, I now have another 3 shirts.

Since the girls and I were going for drinks to Mr Yethandra Jafa and his wife Mamta's in the evening I also bought a bottle for them. I didn't try to hide it since it was a gift for them not for my consumption! You'd have thought I tried to kill a cow from the reaction of one of the deputies. This did annoy me as I'm not a child and know the rules with regards to alcohol in the flats. If I had intended drinking in a corner quietly, I sure as hell wouldn't have left it on the dining room table in front of all and sundry. Somewhat chastened by the verbal assault he got about treating people like adults (since the Boss knew I was doing it), everything is back on an even keel today (Friday)

The trip to Amritsar is cancelled since we can't get seats on the train, so since the matronly types are off elsewhere (to 4 star hotels) this means there are only a few of us left in the flats. This will mean we can go out on the town for a bit of sight seeing (and there is plenty to see in Delhi), and get a fancy meal somewhere in the posh end of town. Shit I may even have a vodka or three!

Yesterday while having my now bi-daily shave with a cut-throat razor, a guy who was totally out of his box on whatever, started giving the barber a hard time about something which I couldn't make out since the whole thing was conducted in Hindi, but I did hear the word Police and the barber pointing to me. I'm guessing he told the balooka I was a chief constable or something suitably impressive, as the potential blackguard backed off calling me officer. The truth is I wouldn't have clocked him anyway as he was totally out of his skull and had a wee kid in tow (who started crying because his father was a moron). They'd come from the tents (made from tarpaulin) across the road and if I had to live there I guess I too might have been legless!

Delhi is a kaleidescope of noise, traffic, dusty streets and the occasional elephant, and has a population more than 3 times the whole of Scotland. Your senses are put through a high speed mixer every day and by the time we finish dinner in the evening there isn't really much you either can or want to do! Last night though was a very pleasant interlude with company outside the volunteers (except the girls and they are refreshingly good company) in another house!

I can't believe it is a quarter way through my period here already, but it is and Barbara leaves next week so I'll be back on my own with the students and will have to do more preparation for lessons than the winging style I'd thought would get me by!

Namaste

Wednesday 11 February 2009

The Cox & Kings tour part II

Three of the mature American/Canadian/English women are planning to visit Jaipur this weekend and you can't help overhear the organising since it is done at the dinner table. It sounds like another Cox & Kings tour in terms of expense with 6,000 rupee ($120) taxis and hotel rooms to match! I'm not a gambler, but I'm willing to bet the kids and I get the whole weekend cheaper in Amritsar than their hotel for one night and we've a 6hr train journey each way with 2 nights hotel to boot.

We're going to see the Golden Temple and then go up to the border with Pakistan to see the changing of the guard, leaving on Friday afternoon and returning on Sunday evening.

Everyone is out this afternoon at a festival and craft fair, but since I need some WD40 on my knee joints, I elected to go to the local market and get measured for a tailor made suit (like Nehru's) the whole thing is costing me less than the taxi the women will pay for, so I get a suit for round about 80 GBP.

Last night we had a thunderstorm which was the mother of all thunderstorms and rain to match, even in Nigeria this would have been a talking point. Some of the females slept through it, but initially I thought the equipment working on the Delhi Metro system close by had collapsed the noise was so loud.

Barbara surprised even me in the class today as she's bought the successful student a watch and a belt for his success and had written him a congratulatory card. What's the odds on some more having a job interview before she leaves?

Sorry to hear your weather is so crap, but if it's any consolation my tan is coming along nicely! Namaste!

Tuesday 10 February 2009

The boy done good!

Our young student who had the interview for a job yesterday has been successful, and everyone in the class is delighted for him! Although in one respect I'll be sorry that he's leaving, as he is (as they all are!) a charming young man with a reasonable command of English.

Barbara set them all homework which made them do complete sentences using various synonyms. They had to use at least 12, and if they didn't hand it in after this last weekend I'd said they had to do 24 by the next day. Needless to say they had all accomplished their targets by this morning. (Rotten teacher!!) On the plus side they've all started to come in early which the Director is overwhelmed with.

In case we forget how hard the Indians work, Guldeep is earning about $200 a month for working 8 hours a day, 6 days a week selling lap-top computers for Samsung.

In the afternoon all the females went out to see temples/mosques. Hindu, Sikh and Muslem respectively, I ended up doing some shopping for good quality notebooks for these students, and at Barbara's insistence some cookies! She can't get the giving part out of her head (Bless her!), but in reality it isn't helpful for future volunteers as the staff at CCS had made so clear at the outset.

Random memories omitted from earlier posts;

  • 5 people on a motorcycle
  • motorised rickshaws with up to 7 people crammed inside
  • no sign of road rage by anyone, in traffic that defies description
  • camel driven carts in Agra
  • more Royal Enfield motorcycles than you can shake a stick at
  • generosity/kindness when you have little or nothing
  • lorries whose load looks anything but secure
  • monkeys galore in Agra & Fatehpur Sikri (one though an unfortunate victim of the roads)
  • every meal being like going to an Indian restaurant with mates (well half of them!)
  • the dhobi-wallah (laundryman) has to put hot cinders into his iron to work it, and he does this with his bare hands, since he has no electric iron for his ironing

This coming weekend the youngsters are going to Amritsar to see the Golden Temple (The Sikh equivalent of the Vatican), so I'm off with them! The others seem to be planning a visit to another hotel, in Delhi this time. Why put in for this volunteering if you can't let a weekend go without some form of luxury?

We've all been divided into teams and have a topic each relating to Indian culture, which we have to give a talk on next Monday. Our teams topic is #Dowries and arranged marriages#. On the topic of female emancipation (?) there's been a big stooshie in the papers for the last 3 weeks as a group of religious males took it upon themselves to beat up some women who'd gone to the pub in Mangalore! The women concerned weren't even single fished! What chance of this in Union Street?

Monday 9 February 2009

The Taj and ladies of a certain age and persuasion!

The weekend starts very early indeed as I'm up at 5a.m. since the car to take us to Agra is scheduled for 6a.m. The roads are relatively quiet when we set off, however, at the first intersection underneath a flyover, I'm incredulous to see two elephants being walked by their mahouts through the junction. Lumbering but gently padding their way underneath this highway flyover. The first ones I've seen but I'm sure it won't be the last.

The journey to Agra is broken up with a stop at the Indian equivalent of a motorway service station but with souvenir shops. Two of the women shop and Cindy (the attorney) and I just have coffee and a nicotine fix. It took us about six and a half hours to reach Agra which is a real bummer as it's only about 350kms from Delhi and ostensibly connected by a highway (?).

We'd intended going to Fatehpur Sikri this afternoon and then going back to the hotel to book in, however, it appears that the monuments are closed there for a VIP visit, so we went to the Red Fort at Agra and the mini Taj Mahal (it was built before the real one and the basis of it).

Both are impressive in their own way and are duly photographed to death for posterity.

Back to our hotel and mistakenly I left the arrangements to the ladies. This was a mistake since we're booked into a 4 star hotel with attendant prices, I'm beginning to wish I'd gone with the youngsters to the foothills of the Himalayas. A feeling of frustration with their (the mature female American type) attitude is descending on me as I can't really handle the way they're dealing with the trip. This isn't a rose scented place and you can't expect to buy your way out of situations. You can of course throw money at everyone, but it just makes you look stupid. In this respect these ladies of a certain age are excelling themselves. One who shall remain anonymous has more colegen than a single factory can produce and notwithstanding the trout pout, the oriental expression where the facelift has been applied has me struggling not to stare rudely and I'm sure the Indians are equally agog. Mea culpa, I've taken this a bit far! The fact remains that on the tour with the guide (which they over-paid), I just went off and did my own thing as I can get myself around without having an army of hawkers following me as the ladies are having since they're seen as an easy touch!

It's easy to say no thank you my friend without too much ado, and if it's accompanied with a look of some anger (not genuine), the these people will leave you alone and go and look for some other gullible punter.

The night in the hotel was nice if over-priced as it came in at $140 plus tax, and although the bed and the bath were nice, I have to say that the youngsters apparently had a better time and had a whole lot more for infinitely less with no hassle and a 1st class train journey with meals et al. Never mind it can only get better!

Sunday morning

I can't believe I said it can only get better, but enough of that later. We did go to the Taj Mahal early in the morning (which was Cindy's idea and a good one to boot). The pictures you see of the TM are beautiful, but the reality is infinitely more than merely beautiful. I can, hand on heart, say I've never seen anything remotely close to the Taj Mahal for breathtaking beauty and in the early morning light it radiates to a ghostly marble/ivory. The gardens too are formal and spectacularly well maintained. The seat where Princess Diane was seated for the photograph she had taken is there for all to use, but I bet she didn't have to go on a six and a half hour drive to get there.

I'm not going to bore you to death with statistics, on it's construction or the rationale behind it, suffice to say it blew me away and I'm a cynical old fart. Just one thought, Aurangzeb the 4th son of the man who built it, Shah Jahan, turned out to be a right tosser as he killed his 3 elder brothers and imprisoned his father with his father's prison facing the monument he'd built for his wife Mumtaz. With family like that who needs an enemy?

In the early afternoon we got into the two sites at Fatehpur Sikri which is about another 30kms from Agra, and the whole set-up there is more impressive than beautiful, and it's scale has to be put into context of being something like square miles.

As it's Sunday, there are families galore out at the sites part of which is the fact that you can go into the holy chamber and tie a piece of cotton to the ornately carved windows inside the chamber which according to legend (or gimmick for tourists) will get you a wish granted. You're allowed 3, one for yourself and two for others/family! I think there must be more than a gimmick involved as the throngs of worshippers who pack this chamber are a combination of Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims. I guess it is like going to Lourdes for Catholics except you have to remove your shoes and socks and wash your hands prior to entering and must wear a head covering which is like the traditional muslim cap.

Sightseeing over, we have to set back on the journey to Delhi (not an inviting prospect), the ladies have dispensed more cash than the Brinks Matt robbers in their attempt to write off poverty in India, but it is only those who have been persistent (and there's plenty!). Virender the driver takes us on a fairly quiet route interspersed with town/villages and as it's Sunday their markets are open and business is brisk as a result of which our progress through these towns is pretty slow.

You can and will see a lot of poverty all around you in such circumstances, but for god's sake don't wind down your electric window of the posh car you're in and point your camera at the people snapping like some demented paperazzi. Even the poorest person has feelings and you don't have to be rich to be sensitive!

This was more than a little annoying to me as these poor people are not animals in a zoo, to be photographed as though they were. I made this point as several of the people on the roadside were justifiably annoyed at this intrusion on their life (poor or impoverished as they were). The trout pout maintained she didn't think of them as animals in the zoo, but her photographing them in this manner indicated otherwise.

Perhaps I'm getting too easily annoyed with this form of American tourism, but it is getting on my knockers and I do feel for the local Indians.

When we got back it was straight to bed as the journey back was even longer, 7 hours this time!

Monday morning and this is the first time we got to meet the youngsters and they've had a ball! God how I wish I'd gone with them, but hey hoh, I've seen the Taj Mahal and any future trips will be by train and if not with the youngsters (whose parents should be very proud of them as they are absolute gems) then I'll go alone.

Back at work on the Monday and one of the guys in our class is going for an job interview this afternoon, I spend some time with him such that he can do his interview in either Hindi or English. I'll see tomorrow if he's successful, I hope so! In the afternoon I decide to have another cut throat razor shave but this time in the street (when in Rome do as the Romans and all that), in any event two young journalists approach me in the barber's chair and ask if they can interview me as the sight is obviously unusual (i.e a foreigner having a shave in the street), they can but only when he's stopped shaving me! The article is entitled The Hindustani Scot. We shall see if and when it is published in a local paper. Although he must have been serious as there is photographs taken to go with it! Fame at last (I don't think so)

Friday 6 February 2009

Another close shave

Getting to the HLC this morning was worse than ever as the traffic had ground to a halt and the journey which normally would take 15 mins took about 40, but there is Sufi (Indian) music on the car stereo so I'm cool with the transcendental effect by the time I get to the class. In any event all the guys in the class are equally late with the traffic and they have to come by bus which looks like a human sardine tin when you pass (?) it!


I decide that since Barbara is teaching teachers today I'll do a resume of the weeks work to make sure they all understand what we've been trying to achieve, and glory be they do, so we must be doing something right. Back for lunch and an early afternoon meeting to see if everything is okay with the volunteers by Bela the Country Director! It certainly is for me as the environment couldn't really be better, there were a couple of wee things needed sorting for the more mature ladies, but by and large it is going swimmingly.


Tomorrow there are 4 of us going to Agra, to see the Taj Mahal and Fatehpur Sikri so we're going to book into a hotel and pig out on the necessary luxuries in life (i.e. a beer and a shower where you don't have to use a bucket). We should be back by Sunday night and work on Monday morning again to review the homework the guys have been given. There is a second meeting to work on some of the projects that the ladies are doing with the kids, but since I'm working with 16-23 year olds, the idea of cutting out shapes is not on my agenda! I take myself off to the salon for another cut-throat razor shave, if only such a thing were available in the Stoney barbers!


The idea of Indian food for breakfast, lunch and dinner is catching on with me and touch wood, there is no sign of the dreaded Delhi Belly. My boiler/stomach is (touch wood) doing the business.


There is a slightly worrying development, I'm beginning to take an unnatural interest in cricket as whenever the guys who work for CCS are loose, the cricket is on the t.v. and disconcertingly I'm enjoying it as well as the vegetarian menus.

Thursday 5 February 2009

Roland makes a late night call to the flat and the girls call me to throw him out

Late last night Roland made an unsolicited call to the flat I'm in and decided to help himself to Shanta's Fererro Rocher chocolates and he also scoffed her Cheez-its without so much as a please may I help myself. I guess he can't help himself, since Roland is as you've probably guessed is a rat! He's a handsome rat but a rat none the less and is in Shanta's suitcase helping himself to her chocolates and cheese savouries! He must think he's just checked into the Waldorf Astoria, and been given the freedom of the food hall.

By the time I get dressed and shoes on my feet, the girls and I decide to get him into a jug, put a lid on it and let him go out the veranda door. This rat isn't going to leave this haven of food excellence without a struggle though and scarpers under Erins bed. You have to admire his persistence, but I'm not going to kill him as Granny would never forgive me! When we lift the bed he makes a dart for the lounge but the floor is marble and he's skidding around like a cartoon character and turns into the kitchen. I still can't get near him but at least we know where he is. He's parked himself in the cupboard with the gas canister and we can't shut the door as there's a hose leading to the cooker(?). The only solutiopn is to lock him in there and get the staff to get him tomorrow as it their role. He's obviously had his fill and is struggling under the weight of chocolate and cheesy bits he's scoffed. Shanta has to check out the rest of her suitcase but there is nothing else we can do, so everyone has their room door closed tightly and unless he can slither under a 2mm gap, we're okay for the night.

Back to school this morning and Babs and I have another good day with our pupils, I'm really learning a lot from her and can put it to use when she goes in two weeks. Yesterday we set them homework by writing down three questions and which they had to write the answers to and speak in front of the class this a.m. with their answers. One of the questions was who is the most interesting person you've met and why?

Dear readers I cannot tell a lie, four of them said I was and it would bring tears to a glass eye! It was genuinely unsolicited and moved me. Now all you guys who know me, will be saying the plonker's lying! Not so and I'm genuinely moved as the reasons were more to do with their being stimulated by our lessons!

No compulsory lessons today so I decide to go for the tattoo that I've promised myself. Some of the girls wanted to come along, but in the end only Lindsay can, so we get a rickshaw to the market area where this tattooist is supposed to be based. Linds notices a sign and we think I've got it cracked. Wrong!! There's a telephone number which I have to call and he tells me he'll be round in half an hour! When he gets round he suggests we go to our address to do the tattoo. Not a chance so he does it in the back of his van (which has no engine and is merely an advertising tool). The upshot is that after haggling, I tell him that if I like it I'll pay X and if I don't I'll pay Y. It's agreed and he sets to work, I can't believe I'm having this tattoo done in the back of a wrecked van which can no more move than fly. Lindsay takes some photos and when I get some technical advice I'll stick them up somewhere (No not there! on the site.) In any event the dye is cast and the deed is done, so I'm now sporting a Sanskrit tattoo which says Mother India!

This city is chaotic with cars, scooters, rickshaws, buses and lorries all honking their horn at every opportunity and in most cases just to make a noise! The fact is though I'm loving it! The experience that is! The paradoxes of Indian culture are extreme, but the people genuinely kind, and hospitable. The kids in the class all want to take me home to their families, but shit I'm only here for 8 weeks and the first one is almost gone already.

This weekend there's 4 of us going to Agra, but we have to take a car at 6a.m. on Saturday morning to get on the road before the traffic gets too much, and we'll check into a hotel for a night and then drive back on the Sunday. At least this way we can get a drink in the hotel! I'm looking forward to it (not the 3 hour drive) but the visit to the Taj Mahal and the other sites in Agra.

Wednesday 4 February 2009

Oh Happy Days! Chicken and Fish in the one meal

I'm paired with Babs a retired school principal who's been having some difficulty with her placement, so she's been sent to St Trinians with me. Actually I should stop calling it St Trinians as nothing could be further from the truth. But hell why let the truth get in the way of a catchy headline!

Barbara and I seem to work well as I get the students to do the work she sets and she knows her stuff! Between us we'll crack this teaching stuff, though I have to remind her that the Indian way of spelling is the English way not the American it's colour not color and organization has an s not a z in it. We've given them some homework for tonight and will see how it pans out tomorrow when they return it. The students want us to go to the market with them on Friday but she has a training session for Indian teachers and I'm supposed to be at a lecture (I'm going to give it a miss and go with them).

After lunch we got another compulsory Hindi lesson and then a two hour talk with a professor from the Nehru University on the history of India which was really interesting and the time flew by. Most of the stuff he was talking about I knew anyway, but he put more colour to what I already knew, and the Amartya Sen book I have from the Scot in Exile helped me a great deal beforehand.

I note the snow in London and cannot supress a laugh as the temperature here is 78 deg F and I only need a tee-shirt, I suspect the Metropolis has ground to a halt with the snow being the wrong shape as well as deep. Sorry Fe, but at least you may have got a day or two off work.

The dinner tonight had tandoori chicken and tandoori fish with nan (proper nan bread), dal and I felt duty bound to dig in to make up for the lack of protein I'm undoubtedly suffering.

Some of the more mature (?) lady volunteers are setting to organise a trip to Aggra this weekend, but since there seems to be some petty arguing between them already about what hotel to stay in much less the cost, I think I may go on my own.

Regards to the readers! Namaste!!
Tom

Tuesday 3 February 2009

Professor Moriarty a.k.a. the mad one goes back to school

Day two at St Trinians or as it is formally known as, the Habitat Learning Centre! With the Habitat name you'd think Terence Conran had his hands in this, and to be truthful I think he has as the place is really nice to be in except it is very large and I got lost trying to get back to where I was yesterday! Still it seems that although I'm late most of the pupils are too, so it is no great embarrassment. (Indian Time as I was told is flexible and never to be confused with GMT).

Without a formal syllabus yet (the dept head is still missing), I run another ad-hoc session with testing their reading as the key point, and where there is words which people don't understand we have a discussion on its meaning and I get them all to write it in their books. We also had a session on questions Why, Where, When, What and How; which is the right one to use and then getting them to practice on each other and me as a dummy! No comments necessary on that last remark, although note for Sean Hyland!! Your comments did come through so you've been kidding everyone in Chevron about your IT capabilities, you obviously know more than you're letting on. The session was good and I think we all enjoyed it as pupils from another class were trying to get in, so that's a positive sign.

Early evening had us all back at the base and we were treated to an exhibition of classical Indian dance and music, which I as well as all the women thought was brilliant. The Guru in charge of the girls was herself a classical dancer for many years and now teaches as well as running a formal group who perform at various functions in Delhi. I don't want to sound too much like a willie woofter, but I was genuinely fascinated by the grace, elegance and movement (all of which has separate meanings) and the music too was a change from Bagra or whatever they call Bollywood music.

I've been asked if I'd mind one of the ladies coming to work with me at the Habitat as she's not at all comfortable where work is at present. No problem and since she's a retired headmistress I can learn from her which should help all concerned.

Footnote to anyone thinking I'm in danger of turning into a veggie, we had pizza and ice cream tonight and there was chicken on the pizza. Ya beauty!!

Monday 2 February 2009

In at the deep end

This morning I'm taken to the facility I'm going to be working at to meet the staff, there's only one there and after a brief chat the students started to arrive, without further ado it's suggested that I start right away! The kids are from 14 to 20 year old and have varying degrees of English ability, but in for a penny in for a pound, so I have to get started sometime and now is as good a time as any! The group of ten are mixed and we end up getting on like a house on fire, it's good to here all their reasons for wanting to improve their English, but the one I liked is a young lady who tells me she wants to be independent as opposed to being a lawyer, doctor or something else. In view of the society rules here in respect of women's roles I admire her spirit!

The facility in which I'm placed is enormous and palatial, with an arts complex, music and drama workshops and a fully funtional I.T. department in which we're based. It even has free coffee outside the door of the class, so when I compare my placement with the ladies (who're working in almost primitive conditions within the slum areas) I've got the pick of the bunch.

The very noticeable aspect of the class is the respect in which anyone in authority is held, I'm finding this strange to deal with as this level of return from them is not the norm in my world, but it is endearing to be addressed to so politely and I'm mindful of their culture so I need to keep some level of formality when I'd normally kick the formality into touch.

I need to structure some learning in accordance with their syllabus, but as yet don't have that as the co-ordinator for their course wasn't here this morning and it truly was sink or swim! I'm sure it will work out okay and am looking forward to spending the next 8 weeks in their company and helping them express themselves, as they are really very genuine and interesting people.

Back to base in the afternoon for "Hindi lessons" (compulsory), but a help in any event. Then the group were broken up into teams and sent out to carry out tasks in the local market and surrounds. Shanta and I were set the task of finding out the cost and details of inclusions in hiring a car & driver for a trip to Agra/Jaipur, negotiate for discounts and then hire a rickshaw taxi back to base. I must admit that I didn't do the haggling bit with the poor guy who picked us up and took us home as the fare for his journey was only 20 rupees and to take 10 off of that would have been an act of daylight robbery! Maybe I'm slipping since I left Chevron and SCM!

Sunday 1 February 2009

More veggie stuff

Now we've all gathered finally and I almost slept in this morning only being wakened by what I thought was an air raid siren. It turns out to be the start operation at a factory close by! We're taken out to lunch in a restaurant after the morning spent discussing what we want to get out of the experience, and a wee introduction by everyone to the group. The restaurant is first class and even I enjoyed the vegetarian meal (again). For a carnivore like me this is disconcerting, but the veggie stuff here isn't what I'd have classed as veggie and is delicious.

After some early afternoon paperwork to finally finish the admin side of things and be given our i.d. cards I have enough free time to get myself a #cut-throat# razor shave and head massage for a hundred rupees. What a bargain as there is nearly 70rps to the pound. My face feels like a baby's backside, which is an improvement as most people think it looks like a backside anyway.

Tomorrow I go the the learning centre where the work of grooming teenagers begins, but before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is not internet grooming! I tried to explain that to Bela this morning, as grooming now in the internet era has an entirely different meaning. Mentoring would be a better term, so Celtic can expect to inrease their fan base. The weather is just perfect and with the temperature circa 76f it is better than summer in Abz.